Driving

When I was in Melbourne, I was driving a Welsh friend around one day.
I was waiting at a stop sign for a break in the traffic, and she said 'drivers are far more passive here aren't they, why don't you just jump out into the traffic?'.

It didn't feel like an accurate observation, because in my experience drivers in Australia are generally very aggressive. I realised some time later that it would not be common in Australia to cut in front of another car from a stop sign, because there would be a fair chance you would be chased and beaten to death, or at least blasted for some time by their car horn.

My brother, who is an aggressive type, once cut across the path of a car full of bikies going the other way. They did a screeching U-turn and chased him for several kilometers before he luckily shook them off. He is still alive, but I sometimes wonder how long his luck will hold. Road rage is a popular sport in Australia, like Gay Bashing.

With a long one or two hour drive to work in Delft each day, I have plenty of time to observe Dutch drivers. I find them far more polite and civilized that in Australia. If you occupy the fast lane for more than a second or two in Australia, the driver sitting six inches behind will flash his lights and toot his horn. Here they are reticent to even flash their lights. They might flick on their left indicator as if they intend to turn left from frustration into the concrete barrier, thereby hoping to induce enough sympathy to let them pass.

A noticeable difference is that here in Holland it seems common and normal to change lanes without indicating. It is avoided in Australia, probably because the police fine you if you fail to indicate.

Speed cameras are usually visible in Holland, and even covered in bright stripes sometimes. In Australia they are carefully hidden, often on the downhill portion of a road where people unintentionally exceed the limit. Nowadays they are too small to see, made with nanotechnology. They are a source of revenue rather than a means to control traffic flow.

In Holland the traffic police are invariably polite and kind in my experience, shaking hands and wishing you a nice day as they leave you with your receipt for 150 euros. That was my last fine for using a mobile phone whilst driving. I was somehow inspired to compliment him on doing a good job, managing to observe me from my left, using the phone with my left hand on my right ear. The Dutch horeca and retail industries could learn a lot about customer service from the police.

The politeness of the drivers here makes it a pleasure to drive. Especially when traffic is merging: the bulk of cars merge very early, leaving a lane empty for an expat opportunist to enjoy freely.

A few things still annoy me though.

One is drivers who don't understand roundabouts.
Some stop and wait as if a roundabout is a stop sign.
Others speed up to try to keep you out of the roundabout, or blow their horn when you've already comfortably entered in front of them, even if they don't have to touch their brakes. A roundabout is designed to facilitate efficient traffic flow, so drivers should cooperate to allow the continual flow of cars.

The other irritant is when I sit in the lane second from the left on a three or four lane highway. This is a good location to avoid the unpredictable movements of the slow cars in the right lanes. Invariably a young male comes right up behind as if to push a point, instead of using the empty left or right lanes to pass. Finally he gives in and uses the left lane, but then cuts me off to swerve across to the far right lane, and then back again to the far left lane to pass the next car. It's as if he's saying 'Look, this is what GOOD driving is! Swerve like a maniac from the far left to the far right and then back again.'

Another is on a single lane road with a 50 limit. The driver in front will drive at 50 or less with a long line of traffic held up behind, apparently relishing the opportunity to control so many people. As soon as their is an opportunity to pass, he will accelerate to stay in front.

One thing that strikes me is that there are ample ways to express displeasure at another driver, by flashing the lights, scowling, tooting the horn. Many ways to spread negativity in the world. I might market an invention - an electronic light message board, similar to those used by the police. You could select a preset message, such as "Thanks" or 'Excuse me", 'Good move" or "What's your number?", to communicate in a positive way with other drivers, and thereby spread goodwill on the roads.

For me the essence of good driving is to use the brakes and accelerator as little as possible, for the smoothest possible ride, while inconveniencing other drivers as little as possible.

If you are looking for a house in Maastricht for rent, please click on the link.

Visit to the IND

Went to the IND in Utrecht last night.
For some strange reason I had to pick up my new ID card there.
So I drove the 100 kms or so from work in Delft to Utrecht to catch the late night opening hours, which are 9:00 to 21:00 according to the website.

Arrived at 8:30 to meet the receptionist.
Even though the building was swarming with customers, he informed me sympathetically that the closing time for picking up new ID cards is actually 8 PM, and that they have the wrong hours on the letter I held AND the website.

Nevertheless he left his desk to go to the department and check if someone could help me. He came back soon and said with a reassuring wink that I should wait.

In due course an attractive blonde came out and explained that the cash register in her department closed at 8, so she couldn't help me. I suggested a few alternatives such as: send me a giro, or I'll give her the cash, or I'll pay at another cash register. Alas, all were 'not allowed'.

Rules are rules and must be obeyed in Holland.
So I told her I forgive her because she has beautiful eyes, and enjoyed the long drive home from scenic Utrecht, where the joggers were out in force in the evening sunshine along the old canals.

Are you are looking for a Maastricht house for rent?

Tax Department

Phoned the tax department (belastingdienst) today to ask about a baffling letter they sent me. It seemed to say something like the following (in Dutch).

We have transferred your file from Hilversum to Utrecht for one of the following reasons:
- our office has moved
- you have moved
- you have opened a new company
- you have closed a company
- we have changes of staff
- we are restructuring
and a couple of other equally fascinating possibilities.

I called to gain a little precision on the matter, hoping of course that the file wasn't moved for some serious reason like an audit.

After some time a human came on the line and I went straight into explaining what I want - 'received a letter, what is it about...?' He listened for a while, then said 'sorry, we can't speak English, only Dutch, to avoid any misunderstandings'.
I observed that 'I don't speak Dutch, but you're speaking English now, so that language is best to avoid misunderstandings!'
He replied 'Yes, but we're only allowed to speak English to say we can't speak English'.

He nervously laughed in spite of himself, no doubt feeling like a ludicrous medewerker.

I told a colleague, who explained that the motto of the Belastingdienst is 'Leuker kunnen we het niet maken', which roughly means 'We can't make it any more fun'.

Well thanks guys, you certainly made it lots of fun for me today.
A real barrel of laughs.



Are you are looking for a Maastricht house for rent?

Take Away Food Shop

On a few occasions in Dutch fast food shops I've felt annoyed and somewhat disturbed. Not just from the food being handled thoroughly by dirty bare hands in between handling money. I can live with that now, the deep fryer surely kills all the germs except the hardiest cockroach eggs. Dead bacteria bodies are probably digestible, and might contain a few molecules of nutrition.

No it's not that.
I enter to find the frozen foods on display under the counter.
I naturally get excited and start salivating to see the delicious frozen blocks of compounded animal matter.

Then I gaze at the overhead menu board, hoping to find something recognizably edible.

Meanwhile the shop assistant stares at me fixedly, apparently assuming I should know what I want before I enter, knowing that there are the same 12 items available as in every other takeaway food shop in the country. Frikandel, krokets, meat and onion ball, mexicaan etc. The assistant moves in front of me since I obviously couldn't find her. After a second or two she interrupts my reading with a Dutch 'Can I help you?'. I ignore her, to indicate that I don't speak Dutch and furthermore I am still deciding. So she interrupts more loudly in an irritable tone 'Hullo! Can I help you?'

I ignore her again and perhaps turn to a friend to see what she wants, which riles the assistant further. who tries to lock aggressive eyes with me.

In most civilized countries the shop assistant patiently waits for the customer to make up his mind. Wearing a pleasant, welcoming smile, with humble, downcast eye contact. In Japan they even utter something like 'Itta daki mas' which means something like 'Welcome to my shop'. The customer is more than king there, he is Emperor.

I used to be annoyed by this aggressively intrusive behavior, but as I thought about this Dutch peculiarity today, I realized it may happen because in Holland they insist on serving people in the order in which they enter the shop. So the assistant first needs to get your permission before she can move on to the next customer. If a customer is skipped they might verbally attack the assistant.

Like many cultural misunderstandings, what appears to be rudeness could possibly be a quaint form of politeness!

Another interesting feature of Dutch shop assistants is that they have a single threaded processor - they can only serve one customer at a time, even to the exclusion of answering a simple question like 'when do you close?'

Are you are looking for a Maastricht house for rent?

Visit to the Doctor

Went to the doctor this morning for an 8:30 appointment.

I got there at 8:32.
Therefore I was officially late, so I was kept waiting for half an hour.

The problem is a cough that has persisted for nearly a month.

I saw the doctor previously.
On that visit, as soon as I sat down I told him that even though he would normally ask me to come back in a week, and if the problem is still there we can do something about it. I said that may be good for business, so he gets 2 visits, but it's not good for my health. We all know it is virtually impossible to get pain killers or anti-biotics from Dutch doctors, so I was ready for a battle.

I told him I have an infection with green sputum, so I want antibiotics, Amoxyl to kill the bacterial infection, and no, I'm not allergic to penicillin.

He sat and looked at me with a supercilious smirk as if to say 'Hullo, I'm the doctor here, have you been reading Diagnosis for Dummies?'

Then he launched into a spiel along the lines that 'In Holland we don't just hand over antibiotics like they do in England.' (Any English speaker is logically assumed to be English.)

He went on about a super-breed of bacteria that could take over the country. The Dutch are understandably sensitive about the possibility of a takeover.

He continued that he wouldn't prescribe antibiotics 'unless you insist'.
I confirmed that I do, so he gave me a prescription for a generous allocation of 3 tablets. They cost 5 Euro each, but did the job. He didn't look in my mouth or listen to my chest.

That was two weeks ago. So on this morning's visit I told the doctor I still have a nasty cough that has persisted for nearly a month. After due deliberation, and a quick listen to my back, she concluded that I just need to stop coughing.

I thanked her for her excellent advice and left.

Not really. She explained that coughing can damage the throat and stimulate the coughing reflex, so I need to resist the urge to cough.
I couldn't argue with such sound yet circular reasoning, so I left empty handed.

I suspect she did the same Logic and Rhetoric course as the people at the tax department, who told me they can only speak English to tell people they can't speak English.

Frank Zappa said “Art is making something out of nothing and selling it."
So that's why doctors are called Huisarts in Holland!

Are you are looking for a Maastricht house for rent?